[:January 15th, 2022:] • In class today, I observed that, at least for me, attachment (esp. to a partner) seems to bring me something, and that makes it so much more difficult to let go of the thing I am attached to • Synthesized, Scott's answer was this. • When we [fall in love](falling in love), we often wake up deeper into our true selves. This waking up does not come from out partner, but it is catalyzed by them. • Scott suggested that when I personally let go of my attachments, I wrongly do so by numbing my desires and cutting myself off from my own essence. (On the contrary, letting go of attachment should allow full realization of desire) • So when I fall in love, I discover myself, then I become attached; if I lose that attachment, I lose myself too. • Sidenote: perhaps the only time when I am myself and unattached is in the time between falling in love and becoming attached. (If there is such a time) • This rings true to me. In particular: • Lydia: I distinctly remember struggling with rejection from her because it made me feel like I wasn't allowed to be in love with her / have desire for her. So it was either be myself (have desire) and be attached, or let go of attachment and feel like I shouldn't have desire. Of course, I did have desire, so I stayed attached. • Olivia: similar to Lydia. After she ended the romance, one of the things I most struggled with was that, well, I still have feelings and desire for her. And to live my true authentic self is to be able to express those feelings. And in the past few weeks some of the moments in which I have felt most okay are the ones where I imagine still expressing them, without necessarily pressuring her into anything. In other words, being in love without being attached (to her).