Journal #2 • 097-103

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continued from page 93 was in front of me and we shared a few looks and smiles. She sat next to me. I think I put my head on her shoulder, then we said a few words back & forth. The only thing I remember that she said is that I have to keep "all of this" (IIRC) a secret. I told her I could keep a secret. I was sitting on a cube stone with my legs parallel and my elbows on my knees and my hands (IIRC) on opposite legs. Without looking, I slipped my left hand under my right arm, found her left arm, as she was sitting to my right, felt down to her hand, and took it.
X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​, she stroked my hand with her thumb. We had been holding hands fingers-on-fingers but after a minute I pulled her hand so that out palms were together instead.
We kept holding hands until the cab came and I left with Jonah, Rosie, and Katie Raven.
(The previous events on this page may have been slightly out of order)
In the cab, Rosie basically slept, ​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​XX​​X​​X​​X​​XX​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​, and Jonah and I shot the shit with Katie 'till we got ot camp at 4-5 AM.
Two days ago now, which is two days after the club, Emily and I got even closer.
At the end of the flex period, she offered to help me clean up, which I gladly accepted. We talked as we cleaned; I learned that she is an English major; I clarified that Katie and I are not dating; so on.
As we left, and were walking to the study center, she turned around and asked if I thought that perhaps the woodshop needed more cleaning. I said that, no, it was okay. She pushed: she thought it was still kind of dirty. We went back and forth for a bit; by the time I realized that she was flirting and said that, well, perhaps it is a little dirty after all, she had, I think, decided to stop and just keep walking.
Whoopsie!
As we walked back, I showed her a hedge I had found earlier that had a walkable hole in it. (Not a "hedge", more a line of tall, thin, tree-like plants, but so be it). I said I wanted to see what was on the other side at some point. You could see that it was basically undeveloped land, but I wanted to explore it. She was not quite as intrigued as I was.
That night was my night off. I messaged her on WeChat and asked if she wanted to explore it with me. She said okay. Once I put the kids to bed, I showered quickly and made my way to the path to flagpole, which is where we were meeting. She messaged me saying she would be late because Kiki was crying (I was, and still am, concerned bout Kiki, partially due to that—but also just because she's seemed distraught recently and was late to start the cooking class today. But I am honored that Emily still came to meet me despite her friend crying. Do not worry, Emily left Kiki with someone else). Looking back, I think perhaps Kiki's boyfriend was abusive...
When she arrived, I asked if Kiki was going to be OK; she said yes and told me lots of what I have told you in the last parenthetical.
We began walking. I was excited and took several detours for things that caught by eye at the moment or had caught my eye before. The under construction house, which turned out to be locked (and, for some reason, she (IIRC) knew it was locked before I even tried to get in); the bridge—what's on the other side, underneath the bridge? I kept walking too fast for her so at one point I picked her up and carried her. She said she is heavy. She was not.
We arrived at the not-hedge and went through. We explored a bit, sticking to the low grass because that's were sic she was willing to go. When I would forge onwards, she would sometimes be keeping up by holding my hand—both of hers on one of mine.
The way we went was blocked by a big fucking spider I have a picture of it!, so we turned around. I lied down in the grass, then sat, and she crouched next to me—didn't sit down due to bugs.
We talked a bit and had some physical contact. We talked about the moon cycles. It was a 98.5% waxing gibbous that night. She asked me about Katie. I told her the story and the current situation and that I don't want to be with Katie. You absolute fool!
At one point, some animal was making its way through the not-hedge to us. Emily was spooked and held onto me, and I looked for it and tried to spook it off with my phone flashlight, which Emily had me stop doing.
At one point, we heard voices and hushed. Romeo and Alfredo passed us on the other side of the not-hedge. They had passed me earlier when I was waiting for Emily on the path.
Eventually, the bugs got to be too much and Emily asked if we could go somewhere else. We went down the road towards the field, but then continued on the road. It was a small road with big sidewalks and trees with long, flowy bits and a river on one side (albeit the river was blocked by a barbed-wire fence) and a maybe-hedge and more trees on the other side.
We walked; I climbed a tree (she has a picture); she pulled the long flowy tree things over her face and pretended to hide. We continued 'till we heard a sound like a cough or dog bark, and saw that there was a gate (which was open) with someone on watch ahead.
We turned back. I inspected the maybe-hedge and found that I could probably crawl through, but she didn't want to explore it. (That may be chronologically inaccurate; not sure). We sat on a large semicircular bench.
For the next long while until it was time to walk back, we basically cuddled. I lied in her lap. She lied in my lap. I scratched her head. She scratched mine. I looked in her eyes and watched her sheepishly smile. We held hands.
At one point I asked if she was going to kiss me. She smiled and looked away. She didn't kiss me, but we continued cuddling, and that was pretty much fine by me. (a little disappointing but that's okay)
When we had to go, we got up ​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​ but before we began walking back she pulled me into several consecutive long, very close hugs.
At one point as we walked back she said how crazy it was that she was there walking with me. I agreed. The situation was a little bit wild.
X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​​X​I know she has some internal conflict over that fact that I am only seventeen (eighteen in 3 days).
Regardless, she still makes me happy. I'm going to ask her later today if she wants to walk again tonight since I have the night off again.
Update: Smoochy smoochy